Start of Random Thought
First a disclaimer: I
am using this blog as a tool to help me heal and express how I think and feel.
At times, the content I write resonates with the reader, it can make the reader
internalize the words and extrapolate their own conclusions (or learnings) from
the experiences I share. This is nothing more than a coincidence; there are
plenty of blogs out there that attempt to tell people how they should lead
their life, this is not one of them. This is a simple desire to provoke thought and dialogue
End of Random Thought
With every passing day I become more accepting of my current
situation. It is not fun or easy but every day it becomes more manageable. My
life has changed in a big way and I can use this opportunity to re-invent
myself and improve. My intention is to maximize this opportunity and get to
most I can out of it. How do I plan on doing that? Great question, I’m glad you
asked.
The most important aspect of this is to stay focused on one
key concept. That key concept is to do everything for the right reasons.
Examples include but are not limited to:
Getting a college degree to make your parents proud or get
them off your back. Get it because you want it and you think it will benefit
you.
Or,
Buying a house or car (or anything) to impress other people,
get it because it makes you happy.
Or,
Proving anyone (including yourself) that you can do this or
do that. Do it because it makes you happy.
I always pay attention to the reasoning behind why people do
what they do. In my case, I want to
improve not to attract my future partner or to make my exes jealous or
remorseful; I want to do it because I want to be all around better. I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge
and applying this new found knowledge to my everyday life. I always strive to do
things correctly and for the right reasons, even when it is not easy or
popular.
I have done a lot of work to regain my ability to
concentrate and not let the recent breakup distract me too much. I have struggled
with this for a long time. I think it is very important to be in the moment and
appreciate what you are currently doing (even if the task is mundane). Being
present in the NOW is easy when you are snowboarding, shooting or diving. It’s
not something that is common while you are washing dishes, driving or doing
laundry. This is good because now I can concentrate on my present task which is
growing in a positive direction.
I already established that things have to be done for the
right reasons. What’s next? I have come
up with concrete targets to improve on and a plan to carry them out.
Ask yourself the following questions: If you had no limitations what would you like to be doing? How would you earn a living? Are you currently the type of person you want to be?
Since my last and recent breakup, I have already grown immensely.
My capacity for pain and tolerance has
increased. Through my writing and hardship I have gained a better understanding
of myself and the people around me. I have had different conversations with old
friends that have led to new perspectives and conclusions, also resulting in
better relationships with these individuals. I feel more mature which is weird
for me to admit because I still consider myself a man-boy most of the time (given
the choice I would eat a bag of cool ranch Doritos for dinner, wash it down
with a Kool-aid while playing Street Fighter II Turbo and call my friend a
pineapple head while I proceed to talk trash).
Those are already great things, but my intent is to maximize
this opportunity so I will add more to the list. I like making lists, it is an
easy way to visualize all the different components ahead. So I made a list of all the things I want to
achieve in order to improve.
Start of Random Thought
I have always liked puzzles. My most recent ex also liked
puzzles. My last Christmas gift to her was the largest jigsaw puzzle in the world (30,000
pieces). That always seemed like a large number but sometimes I feel like my
heart was broken in double that amount and piecing it together has proven to be
very challenging and exhausting; but I’m making good progress and a lot of my
friends stop by often to help out.
End of Random Thought
Similar to my method for dissecting problems, I also have a
method for working on several problems at once.
Life doesn’t present us with challenges in serial fashion;
on the contrary, it typically likes to give us several challenges at once to
harden us and test us. So the strategy I adopted recognizes that we normally
have more than one challenge at a given time. The strategy was borrowed from a
book I read that discussed how to manage your financial life. In the book the
author postulates that the best way to handle multiple debts is to pay the minimum
payment amount on all debts except for the smallest debt; you should seek to
pay the maximum amount you can on that small debt with the intent of paying it
off quicker. I think this achieves two very important things:
a.
It gives you a clear path and helps you
eliminate all the small debts. With time, the small debts disappear and the
medium debts become the small debts (until you have no debt). You feel less
overwhelmed because you have effectively decreased the amount of parties you
owe money too.
b.
It reinforces good habits and helps you get
positive momentum
Not only did I adopt this in my financial life but for
everything in my life. I always tackle problems and challenges from small to
big. In this case, I consider small
targets all the things I need to do to polish some of the good habits I have
that I like. For example,
In recent days, my friend describe me as true “G”. I asked
her, “Why do you describe me as a Gangster?” and she replied “Not gangster,
gentleman”. I do try to be a gentleman
and I wish I could take credit for it. But the reality is that my Grandpa beat
that into me since I was young. He smacked my head so many times for not taking
my hat off when I lady walked into the room or elevator that I decided it was
better not to wear a hat (thus I don’t wear hats or baseball caps). He took the
time to show me all kinds of things that in his view point all gentlemen should
do. How to open doors properly, the value of a good handshake, which side of
the road to walk when you are walking with a girl, etc. Some of it stuck and
some of it I tweaked to fit modern standards. Improving in this area should be
simple and easy, I already have a solid base to build on. Easy win.
Another easy target for improvement should be my overall
fitness level and health. Working out 5 times a week is not hard to do and
curving my eating habits has been fairly easy. I still over indulge from time
to time, but since the breakup I have managed to lose 22 pounds. 22 pounds is
enough to warrant a new wardrobe. Another friend recently pointed out that all
my clothes looked like they belong to someone else because they looked too big
on me. To remedy this I went shopping and bought 2 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts
that were M instead of L and yes the new clothes do look like belong to me. I got some positive feedback so I will re-up
my wardrobe once I achieve my desired fitness level.
My list also includes medium and large size targets that
with time I hope to tackle and improve. Some of them I already started working
on: enhance my writing skills, become a better dancer and increase proficiency in
culinary pursuits. Some of the bigger
targets encompass doing the best I can to heal my foot and regain mobility on
it, volunteer more time and resources to people who may need it, be more
approachable and achieve a better balance in all aspects of my life.
So generally speaking, I will work on all the low hanging fruit first and work my way up to the harder to reach items later.
So generally speaking, I will work on all the low hanging fruit first and work my way up to the harder to reach items later.
I’m excited about all of these changes, despite all the
growth I have achieved in the past few months or so, I feel like I have a lot more
to learn and improve on.
Start of Random Thought
Ultimately, I think everyone is doing exactly that they want
to do.
Individuals who complain about their current situation,
prefer to complain than actually fix it. If they devoted half of the energy
spent complaining they would have fixed their situation.
When I examine all the individuals in a given area, I don’t
see any victims, villains or heroes, just a bunch of people doing exactly what they want
to do. Words are cheap, actions is all I use to evaluate someone’s character.
End of Random Thought
