I feel like something is missing. I checked my pockets and
found my wallet, keys and phone all in place (including the square inch of
bacon I carry in my wallet in case of emergency). I got my watch on and did a
quick armpit check. Smells fresh.
Yes of course, Ananda is missing. When she told me she didn’t
want to be with me- I lost a best friend, a fiancée, my scuba diving buddy,
dance and movie date, belay partner, cuddle buddy, kayaking companion and a
person I enjoy sharing my victories, defeats, adventures and meals. Losing
someone you care about has consequences… this one sucks a lot.
My initial impulse was to cut all communication with Ananda
and push forward aggressively. To heal quicker, since this method has worked
great for me in the past. Then I realized that in past occasions, I was the one
doing the dumping and not to the girl of my dreams. Crap. I need to rethink how
to handle this the best way possible.
I enjoy a challenge and I’m a natural problem solver, I need
to handle this like I do everything else. Recipe is below:
3 Tablespoons of positivism.
2 Tablespoons of critical thinking.
4 tablespoons of action.
A dash of humor.
Mix all items in a tall glass, add rum and coke.
I wish it would work that way. In practice staying positive
all the time is hard. I do have something going for me. I’m already a positive
person, have been for years and if I can give you one take away from this blog
post is that Positivism has momentum. I have been building that momentum for a
long time.
Allow me to postulate the following: If you are never or rarely
ever positive is hard to get in that mode. Once you make it a habit you are constantly
stacking positive behavior on each other.
Back to the plan. First thing is first. Stay positive. Done.
It will be easier some days and harder at times. I will take it day by day and allow my emotions to just happen.
Next up, next up is going to my ToolBox. This is of course
my metaphorical ToolBox. We are all born with an empty one. It is similar to
the one your dad or grandfather has (with screw drivers, hammers, pliers,
partially complete socket set and rusted framing nails). Your parents are typically
responsible for giving you your first basic tools and then it’s your
responsibility to continue to add new tools. Life tools is what we are talking
about. Most of us have them, I just like analogies and think of them as actual tools. If you are living life properly it will organically produce all the
tools you could ever need, you just need to open your eyes and evaluate things
from time to time. I can probably write a whole book on this subject (and maybe
one day I will).
I was blessed with great parents; parents that filled my
ToolBox with all kinds of tools for almost anything that life could throw my
way. I have added a bunch too. My trusty ToolBox has developed well. I’m
thinking of adding a Bluetooth speaker to it, so I can have tunes with me. Want
an example of a tool handed down my mom? Sure.
Here it goes:
Conflict Resolution Tool: Simple little tool. I use it when
I get into a fight with someone I care about. It doesn’t happen often
(thankfully) but it does happen. My mom had a stern talk with me at around
twelve or so that basically said: “It’s okay to fight, but forgive quickly. You
love your brothers and they love you back, life is too short.” She may not
remember the talk but I remember exactly where it happened and what I was
wearing. I’m always looking for lessons and tools. This was one of them.
I have several tools that will help me recover from this
break up. There are several that I could use maybe mix and match some. But this
is a special circumstance and it requires a special tools. So I go to the
bottom drawer of my ToolBox, everything is neatly organized in there and I know
exactly what tool I need. I’m going to use my biggest, best tool to get this
done.
My family and friends. That’s my go to. My duct tape. I can
fix just about everything with it. I’m fortunate to have a great supportive
family that is massive and spread across the world. I also have cultivated very
special friendships over the years. They have my back just like my family does.
I was in Vienna when Ananda broke up with me. A short little post on social
media gave me all the support I needed. The amount of emails, posts, comments,
videos, photos and phone calls was overwhelming. And it felt good when I needed
it the most. I wandered the streets by myself and as soon as I would start to
get a little lonely another message would chime in. It was great. I also know
that several of those friends would have flown to be with me there to help if I
needed it (not a lot of people can say that). Several offered to come visit or
invited me to stop in their European homes. I will be forever grateful. People
care.
So I will surround
myself with friends, share more moments with them and take it day by day. I
look forward to the day I will look back at this incident like another
milestone in my past.
Final take away: Consider developing your ToolBox. Specially
your network of friends and family. Have good meaningful relationships. How?
Open up to people, make yourself a little vulnerable. Ananda and I had a brief talk on this after
the break up. After years of talking to her about the value of improving her
relationships with other people, I think now she gets it and she will use the
break up to strengthen some of those relationships. I’m happy she is working on
herself and trying to be a better person. I take comfort in knowing I helped an
already great person become better.
By the way, want to be a kick-ass parent? Play with your kids and give them tools.
