Face the music

I like the title of this blog post. I’m not sure what the origin of the expression “Face the music” is, but it’s a powerful expression that really requires no explanation.  It’s simply time to accept something unpleasant. And that’s what this blog post is about. I would prefer not to write about it, but I think it’s important to just get it done. That’s what you do with unpleasant tasks, you just power thru them. You don’t have to like it, you just have to get it done.

Start of Random thought

Earlier today I reread something I wrote and realized I need to make a quick correction. On a few occasions I referred to Ananda as the “girl of my dreams”. And this is simply not accurate. In my dreams, the girl of my dreams actually reciprocates and wants to be with me.  That’s not meant to be hurtful, it’s supposed to be accurate. I thought she was, but in reality Ananda was really close to being that girl, she was missing that one key ingredient.

End of Random thought

Let’s talk about some unpleasant things I had to face when I got back.

Unpleasant thing #1

While I was exploring Vienna by myself it occurred to me that one of the hardest part of losing Ananda is actually losing constant contact with her family. Ananda’s family is nothing short of amazing. I look at her parents, aunts and cousins as if they were my parents, aunts and cousins. We have vacationed together multiple times a year, celebrated together, grieved together and basically just laughed a lot. I have built some amazing relationships with them and I know they love me as much as I do them.

Seeing them again was hard. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I didn’t have a planned speech. I just wanted them to know that I love them no matter what (just as if they were my family). Throughout this experience they have showed me a lot of support. It was truly my honor and pleasure to be in their company for 8 years. I’m grateful they welcomed me as part of their tight-knit family and I hope they enjoyed my company as well.

The fact that Ananda and I broke up will definitely change my relationship with their family. I will not see them as often and probably will not have as much quality time as we once enjoyed. But for now, Ananda is traveling the world and will not be back for a while, so we will be able to share more time together.

Unpleasant thing #2

Going to work and talking about the incidents with coworkers.  I was normally bragging about how awesome my relationship was and how great Ananda is (Ananda is a great person, just not one that wants me in her life). Some of them knew the news, others knew I was meeting my fiancée in my European travels so when they asked I naturally shared the sad news. 

Prior to my departure I was really looking forward to seeing Ananda and talked about it quite a bit. Little did I know that Ananda was across the pond, already with doubts and considering terminating the relationship.  I didn’t travel across the ocean to be ambushed and have my heart broken(that was not my plan).  Sometimes things happen you can’t control and that’s ok with me. I know my close coworkers care and my wound is still fresh… so that was unpleasant.

Unpleasant thing #3

Telling my family. Boy, oh boy. That was hard. Remember her family loves me? Well my family liked her too. I’m pretty sure a lot of tears were shed as a result of our split. My family was really attached to her and thought she was a perfect match for this super-quirky, medium fat guy. Plus they were pretty excited about the wedding and for JP, the last of the unmarried offspring, to finally find a worthwhile girl to share life with.

Start of Random Thought

I hope Ananda did not rush her decision. I really hope she thought about it good and hard. It would suck to look back and regret it. I think a lot of women have gone thru a similar experience as Ananda. Cold feet maybe? Or just want to try a different type of guy? Finding themselves? Or just the high of traveling the world? Recently, a lot of women have shared their perspective with me on similar experiences and 100% of them tried to go back to the guy they left. Some people have this curiosity or constant dissatisfaction, I think it makes them think the grass is greener on the other side. And sometimes the only way to figure it out is to go and do that other thing you are curious about. That is the only way to satisfy the curiosity.

I hope she finds someone better than me or whatever else she is looking, but more importantly she finds happiness. I don't even think she knows what she wants. I doubt she will find someone that will understand her better, nourish her better, respect and admire or work as hard as I did to make her happy.  It also occurs to me that I will need to step up my game for the next girl that deserves to be treated right. Time to work on myself some.

End of Random Thought

Being back home helps me feel better. Driving my MR2 makes my sadness go away (something about turbos and rear-wheel drive cars). Everyone’s support and notes are great. I have lows and highs every day. I don’t like my position, but I’m happy to have my fully stocked ToolBox to get my thru this.