Some decisions are harder than others. For the record, picking a restaurant to eat should not be one. The harder the decision, the bigger the reward or consequence.
Consider the following scenario:
- You have to tell the person you loved for a long time that you are no longer in love with them.
- You know this will break them completely.
- Because this person has always made it a point to make you feel like the most special person in the world.
- That person spent 8 years with you and never took you for granted, never let their guard down. That person probably gave you more attention that you think you deserved. They knew they could have lost you at any time.
So this person (me) did the best job he could at trying to build a
good, fun relationship and make the other person’s life better too. And to some degree, I was successful in that pursuit.
I can’t imagine how hard it was for Ananda (my ex) to make
this decision. 8 years without a fight. In my estimation, 8 great years
filled with great memories and laughter (she feels the same way as I do on
this). I’m sure you would experience a lot of doubt. I know it must have been
very hard.
I can tell you that hearing the news was supremely hard to
me. It was a big big blow. The kind that come out of nowhere and surprises you;
you blink and now you are on the ground. First thing that comes to mind is “what
just happened?” and then things get less fuzzy and before you can feel any pain
or sadness can be felt, your consciousness forms one clear sentence “That's it.
You lost the girl you loved”.
This is the part of the story when the animated minion construction
crew backs up the big Tonka truck full of pain that overwhelms you. Very very
hard stuff to hear and to experience. However, that wasn’t the hardest thing.
The hardest thing came almost immediately after that terrible punch to the
face.
So now the question is: what was that even harder thing? It
is in fact the hardest decision I have ever personally made.
The hardest part of this scenario is that I had to just sit
there and accept it. Not argue. Don’t ask why. Don’t beg for second chances. I
consider briefly seeing if I could somehow save the relationship. But I discarded
that idea quickly. She made a big decision and I need to respect it. She is seeking happiness and growth. My intention was not to take the “high road”
or “be the better person”. My intention
was simply make sure that my actions match my words and that is something I
will never regret.
